Tough Cookies

It’s probably a good thing I didn’t get a chance to write yesterday, because that would have been a sad, angry, pathetic blog.  I still get frustrated when I work hard to get up early to be alone and then am never alone.  But, God’s dealing with me on that, and I’m praying very hard for a change of heart in this area.

It’s been a tough couple of days.  Each kid is really giving it to me in his own way.  Michael has a cold and is being very autistic right now.  We had an hour long meltdown Monday that totally took the wind out of my sails.  Gabriel’s doing the terrible 2’s defiance thing and having a blast with it let me tell you.  He’s discovered he can move furniture, and every time I walk into the kitchen, I find him elbow deep into some food container, stuffing his face.  Then he refuses meals.  ::sigh::  I’m obsessively trying to keep my counters cleaned off for this reason.  At least that could be a good thing, right?

My toughest cookie right now is little William.  I am praying very hard for this guy, and I hope the next few days will be informative.  In addition to having a sensitive tummy and digestion issues which keep him from sleeping well, he has been starting to demonstrate some behaviors that in themselves seem harmless, but appear disturbingly familiar to when Michael was this age.  I’m seeing some headbanging and restless limbs, a crying cranky child where a happy one used to be.  We’re jumping on this one and having him observed on Thursday as well as a visit to the chiropractor to help with his gut.  I’m hoping and praying that this is all just the result of him having an upset stomach and will go away when we can take care of that, but part of me is bracing and readying for another sensory disorder child.  I’m OK with whatever the outcome, it’s in God’s hands and I know He has it, but the important thing for me is to find out exactly what’s going on with him as soon as possible.

Patience, discernment, wisdom, love.  It’s hard for me to practice these all at the same time particularly with sleep deprivation, and I forget myself constantly, but God is being loving and patient when I can’t, and I trust that He will be faithful to complete this work in me that He has started.

In good news, we have finally begun our RDI consulting, and I am SOOOOOOOO excited because Michael has been particularly trying the last few days.  Nate and I had to each take turns playing with him in an empty room with a single toy while our therapist hid behind a curtain and videotaped us (yeah, that wasn’t weird or anything), and we will go for our first training tomorrow night.  I’m really depending on this a lot to bring some peace into our lives and some knowledge on how to better relate to Michael.  I can’t wait to see how it goes!

Thank you for your encouragement and prayers.  I’m hopeful that this will be a great year and am still praying very hard to see God move in me and my family.

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