Shaking Off The Heaviness

I absolutely did not mean to drop off the radar for two weeks, it just happened.  God knew though, and He prepared me by having me write that last post about fear.  Within a few hours of me finishing that piece, I found a tick embedded in Gabriel’s head.  Chronic Lyme’s Disease has affected me and my mom, so that’s something that can strike fear down in my core immediately.  By that night, Gabriel was sick and feverish with something I believe was unrelated to the tick bite, and after he spent the night in our bed because Michael was screaming and kicking the walls in their room, I was sick too.  I remained sick for the entire week and tried to conduct interviews over the phone for a new special instructor for Gabriel while coughing and trying to cover up the sounds of the complete carnage my kids were creating whenever I was on the phone.  One day they threw so many toys down the stairs while I was on the phone that Gabriel’s therapist couldn’t even make it in the house till we shoved some things aside.

This past week started off with a very disappointing meeting with the school district regarding Michael’s services for the fall.  Not only were they playing me with their attitudes, but they were pressuring me to put Michael in school, and they refused to pay for the one service he really needs while offering me multiple services I did not want him to have.  It made me so angry it actually took me a whole day of tears and mental arguments to get over it.  The intensity of my emotional reaction surprised me, and I had to remind myself that Michael’s help is not in the school district but in the Lord.  He is going to open and close all the doors we need Him to for Michael’s remediation.  I am now praying that God shows me the next step, whether or not to battle the school district or to leave this one alone.  If I do choose to pursue this, it looks like I will need to find a pro bono lawyer, and I don’t know if this is a road I want to go down yet.

On the upside, I had my first invitation to speak to a women’s group this past Friday, and shared the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge.  It was very exciting, and I got to tell women about this fantastic book (really, if you haven’t read it, you should!) and give some of my own personal testimony about all that God has brought me through.  While it was a new and overwhelming experience, I really enjoyed it and wouldn’t mind doing it again some time.

It’s been a very intense and emotionally packed two weeks.  The kids were spiraling out of control with health issues and we were finally able to get them to the doctor.  As a result, they’re actually sleeping again at night, much to our relief.  I hope they balance out and keep it up!  Thank you all who prayed for me and let me rant about all the frustrations of the past few weeks, you are all truly invaluable to me!  I’m trying to shake off all the heaviness and weariness I’ve been enduring and move forward into this coming week, trusting that God is holding it all in His hands, no matter what it has in store.

God’s Got This

Yesterday was great and a complete washout.  We managed to make it through, Gabriel had all of his therapy sessions and his transitional meeting was a great success.  The kids completely destroyed the house while I was on the phone, but they did it kind of quietly, so at least I was able to finish the meeting before finding them in my room, stripping the bed, jumping on the mattress, and turning over whatever boxes they could find and dumping out the contents.  Let me say, I cannot WAIT until the weather is consistently warmer because I am ready to just toss these little monkeys outside and bring them their meals out there.  They are like a force of nature.

I had been really hoping to cut back on the amount of therapy that my kids receive because it just sort of rules my life and my schedule right now.  Gabriel ended up going from two therapy sessions a week to six, but I know he needs it, so it’s time for me to just suck it up and figure out how to fit it all together.  I can only put it all in God’s hands that there are not going to be that many collisions between Michael’s schedule and Gabriel’s come September.  Gabriel will be receiving special instruction again to help with some of his cognitive delays in addition to an accelerated speech and occupational therapy schedule.  He’s slowly catching up, and I’m hoping after one or two more years of really intense work, he’ll be moving at a pace where we can just drop it altogether.

Thank God for our wonderful homeschooling family who lives around the corner.  They have a fantastic teenage daughter there who likes to come help out with the kids for free (because that’s about what I can afford for help right now).  She came last night to get me through the homestretch of the day.  I was just done.  I had been in therapy sessions and on the phone the entire day.  The kids had taken advantage of that and torn everything apart (William busted through some of the child proof locks and emptied all my kitchen cabinets on the floor while Michael led Gabriel on a merry chase of dumping out every box of toys they could find in the house), and then William cried all afternoon because a tooth was coming in, and he wanted to be held.  Nate came home with a bad two day headache and went straight to bed, so this wonderful girl came and helped us through dinner, baths, and bed.

I am so grateful for how God provides, He knew I just could not make it without an extra pair of hands last night.  He ensured Gabriel would receive all the services he would need.  He’s provided a friend to come today to help me with some management questions.  While I sometimes feel like this is all a bit crazy, He’s caring for and providing for us every step of the way.  When I see that, I can feel some peace and security, knowing He’s got this even if I don’t.