In the two weeks since my last blog, it’s like I was going through some sort of test to make sure I really meant all the things I wrote. It was fun, let me tell you.
Everybody had a thing. Everybody. Michael lost it due to excitement stress, full moon, and who knows what else. Gabriel uttered the magic words “my tummy hurts” (he just finished a round of treatment for Bartonella which among other things had inflamed his stomach), William suddenly lapsed into major abdominal pain like he hadn’t experienced for over a year (as in waking up in the middle of the night screaming hysterically for long periods of time), and Caleb grew two teeth. Oh and don’t forget we had Thanksgiving and two birthdays.
I wanted to slip back into my old ways and figure everything out, and I did do a bit of work helping my people. I’m Mommy, it’s what I have to do. But it was different this time. Even if I could do nothing else but deal with crises while chanting “God, I’m putting You first” under my breath, I tried to keep my focus on Him. I told Him I was going to trust Him and stay in His peace whether or not my kids got better.
It was blessedly different. Usually I get angry and frustrated because I feel like I’m losing control of everything. By telling God it was all in His hands and relinquishing control up front, I didn’t have anything to get mad over. And He took care of stuff. Not everything got better, but some things did. Miracles happened, like same-day and next-day visits were available at our doctors so we could take care of William’s pain. Gabriel’s hurting stomach was just his way of telling me he was hungry (that kid must be in a growth spurt or something, I hear “Mommy, my tummy’s hungry” about every 20 minutes), and Michael’s unwinding slowly. Stuff’s not great, but I’m OK, and I’m trying to keep my focus where it belongs. Every day’s different right now, some are hard, some are a little easier, and I’m still practicing my walk, but I’m starting to understand when Jesus said,
“Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”
It’s true. While all the drama around me is mostly the same, it’s just a little bit easier to carry. There’s rest and peace for the soul.
It’s just what this mama needed. 🙂