Take My Yoke Upon You

In the two weeks since my last blog, it’s like I was going through some sort of test to make sure I really meant all the things I wrote.  It was fun, let me tell you.

Everybody had a thing.  Everybody.  Michael lost it due to excitement stress, full moon, and who knows what else.  Gabriel uttered the magic words “my tummy hurts” (he just finished a round of treatment for Bartonella which among other things had inflamed his stomach), William suddenly lapsed into major abdominal pain like he hadn’t experienced for over a year (as in waking up in the middle of the night screaming hysterically for long periods of time), and Caleb grew two teeth.  Oh and don’t forget we had Thanksgiving and two birthdays.

I wanted to slip back into my old ways and figure everything out, and I did  do a bit of work helping my people.  I’m Mommy, it’s what I have to do.  But it was different this time.  Even if I could do nothing else but deal with crises while chanting “God, I’m putting You first” under my breath, I tried to keep my focus on Him.  I told Him I was going to trust Him and stay in His peace whether or not my kids got better.

It was blessedly different.  Usually I get angry and frustrated because I feel like I’m losing control of everything.  By telling God it was all in His hands and relinquishing control up front, I didn’t have anything to get mad over.  And He took care of stuff.  Not everything got better, but some things did.  Miracles happened, like same-day and next-day visits were available at our doctors so we could take care of William’s pain.  Gabriel’s hurting stomach was just his way of telling me he was hungry (that kid must be in a growth spurt or something, I hear “Mommy, my tummy’s hungry” about every 20 minutes), and Michael’s unwinding slowly.  Stuff’s not great, but I’m OK, and I’m trying to keep my focus where it belongs.  Every day’s different right now, some are hard, some are a little easier, and I’m still practicing my walk, but I’m starting to understand when Jesus said,

“Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

It’s true.  While all the drama around me is mostly the same, it’s just a little bit easier to carry.  There’s rest and peace for the soul.

It’s just what this mama needed. 🙂

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Shaking Off The Heaviness

I absolutely did not mean to drop off the radar for two weeks, it just happened.  God knew though, and He prepared me by having me write that last post about fear.  Within a few hours of me finishing that piece, I found a tick embedded in Gabriel’s head.  Chronic Lyme’s Disease has affected me and my mom, so that’s something that can strike fear down in my core immediately.  By that night, Gabriel was sick and feverish with something I believe was unrelated to the tick bite, and after he spent the night in our bed because Michael was screaming and kicking the walls in their room, I was sick too.  I remained sick for the entire week and tried to conduct interviews over the phone for a new special instructor for Gabriel while coughing and trying to cover up the sounds of the complete carnage my kids were creating whenever I was on the phone.  One day they threw so many toys down the stairs while I was on the phone that Gabriel’s therapist couldn’t even make it in the house till we shoved some things aside.

This past week started off with a very disappointing meeting with the school district regarding Michael’s services for the fall.  Not only were they playing me with their attitudes, but they were pressuring me to put Michael in school, and they refused to pay for the one service he really needs while offering me multiple services I did not want him to have.  It made me so angry it actually took me a whole day of tears and mental arguments to get over it.  The intensity of my emotional reaction surprised me, and I had to remind myself that Michael’s help is not in the school district but in the Lord.  He is going to open and close all the doors we need Him to for Michael’s remediation.  I am now praying that God shows me the next step, whether or not to battle the school district or to leave this one alone.  If I do choose to pursue this, it looks like I will need to find a pro bono lawyer, and I don’t know if this is a road I want to go down yet.

On the upside, I had my first invitation to speak to a women’s group this past Friday, and shared the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge.  It was very exciting, and I got to tell women about this fantastic book (really, if you haven’t read it, you should!) and give some of my own personal testimony about all that God has brought me through.  While it was a new and overwhelming experience, I really enjoyed it and wouldn’t mind doing it again some time.

It’s been a very intense and emotionally packed two weeks.  The kids were spiraling out of control with health issues and we were finally able to get them to the doctor.  As a result, they’re actually sleeping again at night, much to our relief.  I hope they balance out and keep it up!  Thank you all who prayed for me and let me rant about all the frustrations of the past few weeks, you are all truly invaluable to me!  I’m trying to shake off all the heaviness and weariness I’ve been enduring and move forward into this coming week, trusting that God is holding it all in His hands, no matter what it has in store.