Climbing Out

August was not a fun month.  Both Michael and I crashed spectacularly, and I lost my ability to do just about everything, let alone write.  I’m not sure why, but my ADD and Asperger’s symptoms kicked in worse than they ever had before.  I was unable to be even remotely productive, I stopped doing laundry and cooking, I lost all my boundaries, and apparently I took the kids with me.  I couldn’t sleep regularly anymore, I couldn’t think, everything was just a big massive overwhelming and unidentifiable feeling, and I even started having meltdowns and stimming pretty regularly, something I’ve never done before in my life.

Just to make things fun, Michael’s brain went into left-spin, and he lost all the progress we had made up until July.  Back came all the compulsory and sensory-seeking behavior.  I was devastated because as you could see from my last post, we had finally come to a point where we could start the autism remediation program.  The kids ran wild, and the only method I had to keep them from seriously injuring one another was to host one great, big, month-long movie marathon, which probably incited the situation more than it helped.

Nate has been an absolute super-hero during this time, never complaining or criticizing, and stepping in to help where I just couldn’t make it.  I’m so incredibly grateful to him and the other members of our family and our kids’ therapy team who non-judgementally came to my aid.

I’ve come to realize it’s time for me to put aside a lot of what I’ve been doing for my kids and help me right now.  I’m going to be looking into the best ways on how to do that.  In the meantime, a wonderful lady in our lives had mercy on us and gave Michael and me a powerful, alternative-medicine ADD/brain treatment over the weekend, and things have been looking up for the both of us.  It’s going to be a long climb out of this mess, but a lot of my mental sluggishness and ambiguity is gone, and I feel like I’m slowly making progress back to the land of the living.  Michael too is showing signs of improvement, and I feel like when I’m in a good place, it’s easier for him to feel comfortable and safe and understand his boundaries.

So August was horrible, but I’m ready to put it behind me, and I’m feeling more hopeful about September.  We’ve been homeschooling a bit, and Michael’s finally showing a bit of interest in learning some new things.  There’s a big stack of books waiting for him at the library.  I’m starting to schedule my days a little better and I finally have the fall therapies for Gabriel in place, so I don’t have to worry about a lot of things anymore.

To end on a good note, it took me WAY longer than I thought it would, but I finally finished Michael’s weighted blanket.  I think it’s helping him, and some days it’s really helped ME.

Finished Weighted Blanket

Thank you to all who’ve been walking with me and praying for us.  I’ll try not to stay away so long this time. 🙂


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