Living with guilt is like walking around all day with a big bag of rocks on your back. And seriously, who needs that? Yet, for the longest time, I’ve been strapping on that one unnecessary burden day after day.
It’s so easy for me to compare myself to other people. That’s not a bad thing, right? How else are we going to know how we’re doing in life? But the kind of comparing I have been doing is downright unhealthy. It’s been leading to jealousy and guilt, and those are heavy bags to be hauling. It’s not like I don’t have enough stuff to worry about.
I found myself apologizing all the time, to the point where I think I was starting to annoy even myself. I sat down to think what that was all about, and I realized I felt so inferior. I think of myself as a lousy wife, a lousy mom, a lousy Christian, and even a lousy person. Everyone I know out there is doing it better than me, right? I’ve believed that those tiny glimpses I get into other people’s lives tell the whole story, and that couldn’t be further from the truth. I’ve been letting the Devil whisper into my ear during moments of weakness, and I’ve believed all these lies for far too long.
We just started a new book in our moms’ support group called The Circle Maker. It’s a study on prayer, and in it Mark Batterson says vague prayers get vague answers and specific prayers get specific answers. I’ve been scared of specific prayers because what if they don’t get answered? What if what I’m praying for is not God’s will? But in this case, I’ve found a really specific prayer I’m going to start praying for myself.
I really want to be free of all this guilt.
It’s gotta go. When I get those moments of total joy and love welling up in me as I watch my kids, I experience a tiny glimpse of how God sees me, and guilt and an inferiority complex do not fit into that picture anywhere. I can pray for that with boldness, because this is something I know without a shadow of a doubt is God’s will for my life, to experience the freedom that only comes through Christ.
I don’t know how long this is going to take, old habits die hard and all that. But God has given me two promises already, and I plan to hang on to those.
Romans 8:1-2 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.”
In Luke 4, Jesus announced the whole purpose of His ministry by quoting a passage from Isaiah.
“The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me,
Because He has anointed Me
To preach the gospel to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives
And recovery of sight to the blind,
To set at liberty those who are oppressed;
To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord.”
Jesus talks about freedom a lot. I think it’s time to let His truth set me free.