When Michael was about 18 months old, I prayed that God would tell me just a little bit about his future. I didn’t need to know the whole thing, but as a parent, I wanted to know just enough that I could make sure I was encouraging my child in the way he should go and not squashing anything God intended for him.
It was the only vision I’ve ever seen. Just a second or two, but I saw Michael as an adult, fulfilling God’s purpose for his life, and it was beautiful.
A few weeks later, the diagnoses started coming in. Speech delay, apraxia, OCD, PANDAS, and finally autism. It was a whole new world that could have completely destroyed all my hope, and let me tell you, I had my moments. Up until then, these words had a deathly permanence to them that was scary. There were so many times I wallowed in fear with thoughts of caring for a handicapped adult in my old age, that my child wouldn’t have much of a future and that I didn’t have any.
I prayed a lot for Michael’s healing (and I still do). I prayed that God would lay a hand on him and completely heal him and give me a normal child. But God knew what I needed, and instead of giving me instant healing, He gave me a picture of what my son could be one day. And that gave me permission to fight. To fight disorders that are supposed to be life-long, to fight to keep my hope, to fight and stand in faith and believe the promise that God gave me.
I don’t know if the vision that God gave me is going to come true exactly as I saw it, but that doesn’t matter. God knew what He was doing and gave me my job to do. I’m trying to do my part and not worry about His. Romans 4:17 says “…even God, who gives life to the dead and calls those things which do not exist as though they did”. I believe God has the power to call things into existence, even a future for a kid full of syndromes.
It got me thinking, what else in my life is God trying to call into existence? What else is He trying to breathe life into? Is there something it’s not time to give up on yet even though it appears dead?
Michael’s getting better. He’s not the withdrawn, OCD kid that couldn’t speak and would lay on the floor screaming and bashing his head on the furniture till he was bloody and bruised. God is definitely healing him, slowly and methodically, in ways that are accomplishing so much more than I would have expected and that are giving God all the glory.
Romans 4:20-22 “He did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith giving glory to God, and being fully convinced that what He had promised He was also able to perform. And therefore ‘it was accounted to him for righteousness.'”
May it be so in my life too.